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Impression on the wafer of time, with the light of practicality, and firmness of age.

Hiding beneath the shadow of the doubt under the scorching sun of reality  are my dreams…….

Waiting to be rescued someday sometime…..

Enhanced version of the word taught and embedded in my mind………

Is it true the only way to be a thoughtless mind is by accepting the world over you………

With numbness riding on my nerve a courageous step forward……..

Forces me to take two back in precaution………..

Resistance from within, resistance from outside a never-ending

debate on which words are futile.

Everyone at any point of given time have an idol. An image to inspire and motivate him/her to be someone better, stronger, or rather to be something in life and that’s good for a fact. Though its strange how obnoxiously ignoring we can be when it comes to these people we admire and look up to. We might think that there is nothing or no one better than they are but is it true ? or are we just closing our eyes by our own choice towards the fact that there exist nothing like that(human nature lol).

Dreams

Dreams (Photo credit: hufse)

For a long time i knew a man who was, and is still my idol, but things started to change lately. I got a wonderful opportunity to be with him for certain time period. Up close to him was my dream but during that period I realized many a things and and many of my believes were shattered. Naive and immature for me he was the perfect man strong, intelligent, compassionate, a perfect picture of freedom and intelect. But things change when you observe things closely and when you have an addiction of putting people under a microscope things can turn out to be pretty repulsive.

The cracks in the personality and character might not be known to you. Nobody is good as perfect its just the way we imagine them the streak of insanity or the cliche is always there.

it’s true you actually want to know a person then you have to live with them. Cause the truth remains the same when you look and observe a person you are actually learning about the personality they “want” you to know and learn about. Yes, its like if you actually see how they keep the delicious chicken you just had at KFC you might not want to have it again.

For a person who calls himself introvert and independent from mortgage of emotion, claiming salvation inside the fort of self-indulgence, keeping his eye tight shut, I seem to be carrying too much baggage. On an instance talking to a f(r)iend I realized that I might to be to obtuse and helplessly been trying to differ from world, where i am nothing different from any other constructive piece of it.

Being assertive and still exploring the unresolved concepts of life, freedom, love, hope and all, I have cataloged life in many chapters and under the index biggest volume is of constantly changing definitions of human concept in different circumstances. But then talking to my f(r)iend Angie I realized for both of us that part of index is quite similar or rather i feel for most of us are. What changes is not the definition but our own personal interpretation of the circumstance and the word we choose to define things under different obligations at the moment.

 

 

 

I tried to formulate a different prospective to withdraw my mind and tried to define things on my own at that time defining love with her by different means but i was actually pretty distracted remembering the incident we both shared though circumstantially different………………….   

Time seem to have stopped for a minute and that minute seemed as eternity. The mind seems to have entered some un-constructed multidimensional dream space and the life so light like a thought with its own wings floating around like a leaf on a stream of time. And time seem to have stopped for him/her in his/her arms.

Time seem to have stopped for a minute it seemed that the minute will last for eternity. Though he/she walked away from the place but his/her soul was torn apart and a part of it was left there in that moment forever. Trapped under the solemn silence of his/her, screaming in his/her ears deafening bolted to ground forever.

Redefining the time, life, love, hate, freedom circumstantially.

Bleeding(maybe in love)

It is just too hard to define what i feel…….

Cold, dark and dead.

Lost in ecastasy in dark, cause here I dont have to see my face.

Not to face others, what is hard is to face myself.

Rotten, a corps in tattered, lying in the cold grave.

Sleeping. Sleeping with the craw;ers but ignoring them.

what is good, is how, they suck on me.

My blood.

What is good, is how, they feed on me.

My flesh.

 

Gone i want it and myself gone, toxic, perforated disgusted I am.

Is it me ? Is it me still inside ??

Entrapped am I, in inside what, I don’t know, what.

Bright and pure but dirtied. Dirtied by me and myself…………

 

Trundholm Sun Chariot

Trundholm Sun Chariot

As the night gives way to the golden chariot of the sun redundantly pulled by the restless and impatient beasts and the first smooth and silken ray of sunlight rushes to touch down earth doorsteps like a lost kid running back home I look upon the mesmerizing morning inspiring me with new thoughts and ideas. Inflaming my soul and heart to get going once again in search of something new and experiment with my own life to invent something new or discover some old secret lost in the tides of time change……………………..

It’s en-thrilling and I an enthusiastic filled with the energy am ready to interact and introduce myself to the world but what i also need to be is cautious at the same time. Cause what have I learnt in the run so far is that in any field of life the experience you gain is based upon how you experiment with the world around you and the experiment, must be carried out on your own expense, so keep in mind how you market(sell) yourself. Cause the one question you will always ask yourself at the end would be, was it worth it.

In this world everything is gonna cost you beside advice(even that is hard to come by today) is gonna cost you somehow or the other but it is you who gonna decide what do you wanna put at stake your heart, moral, freedom, thought, expression, ego what and how much is up to you. Experimentation may even be a damaging process leaving its own dents and bends on your soul and personality, it may even help you gain strength and polish you up like a old piece of mahogany, admired and inspiring to others but the process in its own is of personal and individual choice.

The world is open to all to experience and learn from like the night. Where some prefer to sit under the pleasant moonlight drenching their soul admiring the nature and filling their own cups of thirst with different passion under the cloak of night keeping their own little vices to themselves, while other prefer to tend to their body and mind relaxing and preparing for another day. The experiment is your own and how to carry it out is your own decision but one thing to be realized that the resource to carry it out(that is you) finite and expandable and like any other resource it has price tag and the determining factor is you how do you value yourself, is it too high, or too low.

A bonsai is in itself an art and an leading experiment and the person working on it, is in itself a leading scientist. Learning from constant experimentation and observation clipping and shaping the plant he tries to evaluate different concept and through-out the life term of the plant keeps on shaping it accordingly just like we do ourselves, our soul, personality, our identity through rigorous means of experimentation with this world and the people in it.

So its time for us to realize what we want to experiance from this vast catalog the universe have laid before us and to what extend are we ready to experiment with it and what cost does we determine of ourselves cause certainly nobody would want to sell themselves short.

So remember to gain experience any experiment carried out is on our own expense try to market yourself well.

Experiments with Long exposure and lights-015

Experiments with Long exposure and lights

Experiments with Long exposure  and lights-033

Experiments with Long exposure and lights

a beautiful creation

I never thought this day would come and I would write this post. Many of my friends look up at me and tell me how i am so strong and patient in my ways, thoughtful and many a times inspiring in the times when they are low and vulnerable. I am a kid who would always stand up and put a smile for you but today I have had enough. Damaged beyond the extend of repair, in this life of 23 years, what have i not seen. sometimes I feel like my mind will just burst and sometimes I want it to so that at-last this suffering may come to an end. Tears in my eyes have dried up and now even if I feel like crying………….a strange numbness takes over my body and my mind screams in silence, and it echos just keep haunting my soul, with a strange acute pain in my chest of my broken heart as I struggle to breathe in from the vacuum as the air disappear. But still I am standing there and I smile :)

I am accounted to be a friend and a shoulder by many but where is mine friend and shoulder. Surely i miss them.

I remember last time I broke down was in one of my friends arms sitting there against her bed we were having some nice time and a wee bit drunk I broke down because of some of her words. Almost two-year back that was when I cried last time. I guess I could tell her how special she is and what place does she hold in my life how precious she is but I a dumb ass can preach to love but actually I myself can’t. Its right what they say those who cant teach lol. 

You now what today I am may be sad, depressed and maybe this be the lowest point of my life but I feel like laughing at myself. Why ? Cause I am so full of crap that I prefer to sit alone and laugh at myself and my condition instead of talking to a friend, that’s the size of my ego. Its true “Big ego is a shield for loads of empty spaces” and what I am is hollow from within, a man with an empty soul, so shallow. Today for certain reason I had to go off grid that means delete all virtual footprints of my real identity and soon I would leave the place I am today for some place else, actually starting another life, leaving everything behind. This might be my only relation to what I am, or rather, what I was and I don’t want to let it go.

WHY ?

I have no words and even if I do I don’t want to put anything more out. REALIZATION PART-II…………… Clutches do not need clutches to walk lol I might just die alone someday without anyone knowing :P

Amazing tea

Midway

Just a few days back i read a blog and the question was “WHAT HAS THE WORLD SHOWN ME ?”.  Well an intriging thought at first which suddenly took hold of me. An idea which just stuck to me like the chewing gum on my boot last monday and mind you it was a hell of a job getting it off, cause as i walked dragging my shoes on the tarmac people looked at me funny, was i being funny, has it ever happened to you ? I mean one moment walking minding your own business and then suddenly taken over by an obsession about something you never thought about.

An interesting match

Falling feet

Anyways getting back to the world thing, so, for a while i was obsessed with the idea of it wherever i was, in my class, my room even in the party when i was talking to a sweet girl named Shubha and i was thinking about it. Later that night when i was looking at the pictures of a recent weekend trip i realized that the answer was actually not that simple, in-fact, the question itself was something objective which we could answer with any possibility of answers we want.

Travelling to places few ever have had thought of going to enjoy, i have learnt that it is what you choose to see matters, cause for a person a bull standing infront of him is a dog if he wants to see it that way, its his own choice to the question the unvirse have laid infront of us that what do you actually want to see.

What i have seen is the beautiful clarity in the eyes of a mother last night sitting with her child on a road side. What i have seen is human heart filled with the innocence of a rose petal travelling on the stream in moonlight. I have seen the passion of a man and his love for his family, for whom he works tirelessly but still come home smiling to his children.

Another thing is that what you wanna see also changes with the time. I was up in the Himalayas going around the mountains in search of some new unseen villages to stop by and live in, doing some research before backpacking to leh- ladhak, and i was marveled by the beauty and serenity of the world and the loving nature of the people around away from what we call luxury in the lap of nature so simple is their life. Even after living in not some of the most “equipped” environment they have found the happiness and maturity we actually talk about having being the evolved species of this planet. For what they choose to see is life as it is “precious and profound in experience”. Accepting and welcoming every new thing with much entusiasm in their lives.

beautiful structure

The cow house lolz

Between playing football, falling down on slopes and sharing black chai(Tea) i was amazed to learn that children over there walk miles to go around the hill to get to school. What the world have shown me strength and determination to do things which are to be done. I learnt that its never to far if you want to get there.

I was not only amazed by the children there, the women,………….i must say they have nerves of steal. Everyday they walk uphill miles along with their young ones on their back or in arms to get water and wood and the best part is they know hell lot about the plants and shrubs there maybe more than a botanist there i saw curiosity of a human mind and with the brilliance hey have made their homes water and snow proof it was unbelievable.

In this world it is not the human being alone which is fascinating but when you look around and listen there are many more things to be heard from and learn. The man may have made it big into the cities gathering around all he ever wanted to have surrounding himself with ever so new comfort of life inventing things for his pleasure and indulgence forgetting to discover the real marvel

of life, the nature in itself. The greatest architect and designer in the universe ever shaping this world into something new and phenomenal and when we look at them what can we do but just gawp in awe.

termite mud hill

man they were high

The ant hill reminded me of the human race working consistently working on itself and its surrounding without bothering about anything else happening around shaping its own world and universe withdrawn from the nature detesting to see the miracle of life and the beauty around it. I don’t say what they have isn’t beautiful its marvelous but what is ti in comparison to the mystique around it ?

What they have shown me is the relentlessness of ours to look around and appreciate things for what they are in our own streak of insanity to developing and being perfect.

Neer waterfalls one of the twelve

Waterfall

What i have chosen to see in this world is that there is no room for perfect, there exist no such thing as perfect, and the beauty actually lies in arbitrary nature of life. Ever so beautiful like the constant flowing water nourishing us giving us a chance to get a hold on to yourself and be something different from the other forms walking this planet. Washing our souls baptizing us to be pure and open to the ourselves to the love and beauty of the nature around us. What i chose to see magnificence and majestic of the mountains and the endurance of people around us.

WHAT WORLD HAVE SHOWN ME I HAVE CHOSEN. WHAT DO YOU SEE …………..?

Monstrous but a gentel animal

Bhutia dog


step farms

Step Farms


Smoking Aces

Under the warm afternoon sun and wind blowing with just enough chill to get your hair standing on there ends i did it again. Yes i did score some and smoked to enter another world of nirvana where i was once again a being with selflessness conscious. A different kind of enthusium and clarity of a dewdrop. Somewhere i was deep down within myself and was what i was and not what i portray, happy and content like a kid, chasing a kite of my thoughts and indulgence i was once again part of the universe i have been ignoring for so long. Sitting stoned with the curiosity of a kid listening to the marvelous stories the world was hiding before from me in detest for long i have strayed from the path of being “HUMAN” to be a “MAN”.

sitting alone at the edge of the river i was taken aback by the staggering strength and patience of it and the love of earth which has for ages been enduring constant devouring mood swing of it like faithful lover. The river running wild and fast in its own mind cutting through and making way anyhow may have never understood the silent love of the earth under it which has been withholding it in its bosom since the beginning (you may love someone very much but the love of a parent if you have for someone it can’t be matched) its something like Rabindranath Tagore said “I may be your lover but i love you like a daughter”.

While i was trying to rediscover and remember the universal language inherited to me long before i taught to read and write symbols of this abysmal race i was raced into another thought about validation and preemptive tries of human being to bind this universe into a stagnant and relative measures of time…………lol. Bother explaining me how does this quantity of ours does have any definite effect upon the things around us. A black hole, a supernova, earth, glaciers, nature or any other blessed thing in this world might not find the concept even a little bit entertaining for them the life is ever-going and what matters is the constant change which comes and learning, observing and LIVING through it so as to be one forever and ever “”AND HERE WE ARE TRYING TO STAMP THIS WORLD TRYING TO LEAVE FEAT-LESS PRINTS IN THE SHADOW OF A QUANTITY WHICH MATTERS TO NONE OTHER—TIME””. 

Realization(part -I)

Human being is a social animal throughout his/her life searching for the comfort and companionship of someone.

In short a stupid idiotic creature with such inconsistant mental stability that “IT” can never come to the truce with the fact that living alone may be a probability and instead of understanding and realizing it “IT” is in a constant search of consolation by others. Its pethetic that even after being the smartest organisms we tend to fall victims to such fractured conceptions as “THE ONE” “TRUE LOVE” “SOUL MATE” god give me a break. Most relationship i have seen or been in have just taught me one thing that capitalizing on such formulations is just our tendency because one thing we are afraid of and that is “BEING ALONE”. Throughout human history the only thing we have fought most viciously and damned this blessed planet with war is to be “FREE FROM ANY BOUNDATIONS”. One thing the human civilization is most based on is its urge to be free from bonds exploring its caliber and potential to just go on one more mile …………..

Nobody in today’s world want to be bound and tied down yet when the time comes to be alone we again have this immense need to find someone to just to surrender ourself to. What are we actually afraid of or are we actually just a bunch of pseudo intellectuals talking loud extending some meaningless manufactured thoughts of independence and freedom, self realization, spiritual and human evolution. Setting up a stupid bar code for ourself bounding us and declaring this is the perimeter of freedom, which is actually nothing but just an ethopia or a mirage kept at a safe distance to satisfy and control us. Is it just a illusion being utilized as cluthes for we are just to weak to walk on our own.

The simple question is how you decide what is it ? Just your need, your tendency, dependency, or what else………………for sometime someone is the world for you and one morning you just wake up to realize this is actually not what i wanted. What do we actually want………to be free or is it just another excuse to come at terms with our pathetic sense of self adventure to try and find someone else to but our self before.Image

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