I never thought this day would come and I would write this post. Many of my friends look up at me and tell me how i am so strong and patient in my ways, thoughtful and many a times inspiring in the times when they are low and vulnerable. I am a kid who would always stand up and put a smile for you but today I have had enough. Damaged beyond the extend of repair, in this life of 23 years, what have i not seen. sometimes I feel like my mind will just burst and sometimes I want it to so that at-last this suffering may come to an end. Tears in my eyes have dried up and now even if I feel like crying………….a strange numbness takes over my body and my mind screams in silence, and it echos just keep haunting my soul, with a strange acute pain in my chest of my broken heart as I struggle to breathe in from the vacuum as the air disappear. But still I am standing there and I smile :)

I am accounted to be a friend and a shoulder by many but where is mine friend and shoulder. Surely i miss them.

I remember last time I broke down was in one of my friends arms sitting there against her bed we were having some nice time and a wee bit drunk I broke down because of some of her words. Almost two-year back that was when I cried last time. I guess I could tell her how special she is and what place does she hold in my life how precious she is but I a dumb ass can preach to love but actually I myself can’t. Its right what they say those who cant teach lol. 

You now what today I am may be sad, depressed and maybe this be the lowest point of my life but I feel like laughing at myself. Why ? Cause I am so full of crap that I prefer to sit alone and laugh at myself and my condition instead of talking to a friend, that’s the size of my ego. Its true “Big ego is a shield for loads of empty spaces” and what I am is hollow from within, a man with an empty soul, so shallow. Today for certain reason I had to go off grid that means delete all virtual footprints of my real identity and soon I would leave the place I am today for some place else, actually starting another life, leaving everything behind. This might be my only relation to what I am, or rather, what I was and I don’t want to let it go.

WHY ?

I have no words and even if I do I don’t want to put anything more out. REALIZATION PART-II…………… Clutches do not need clutches to walk lol I might just die alone someday without anyone knowing :P

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