I never thought this day would come and I would write this post. Many of my friends look up at me and tell me how i am so strong and patient in my ways, thoughtful and many a times inspiring in the times when they are low and vulnerable. I am a kid who would always stand up and put a smile for you but today I have had enough. Damaged beyond the extend of repair, in this life of 23 years, what have i not seen. sometimes I feel like my mind will just burst and sometimes I want it to so that at-last this suffering may come to an end. Tears in my eyes have dried up and now even if I feel like crying………….a strange numbness takes over my body and my mind screams in silence, and it echos just keep haunting my soul, with a strange acute pain in my chest of my broken heart as I struggle to breathe in from the vacuum as the air disappear. But still I am standing there and I smile :)
I am accounted to be a friend and a shoulder by many but where is mine friend and shoulder. Surely i miss them.
I remember last time I broke down was in one of my friends arms sitting there against her bed we were having some nice time and a wee bit drunk I broke down because of some of her words. Almost two-year back that was when I cried last time. I guess I could tell her how special she is and what place does she hold in my life how precious she is but I a dumb ass can preach to love but actually I myself can’t. Its right what they say those who cant teach lol.
You now what today I am may be sad, depressed and maybe this be the lowest point of my life but I feel like laughing at myself. Why ? Cause I am so full of crap that I prefer to sit alone and laugh at myself and my condition instead of talking to a friend, that’s the size of my ego. Its true “Big ego is a shield for loads of empty spaces” and what I am is hollow from within, a man with an empty soul, so shallow. Today for certain reason I had to go off grid that means delete all virtual footprints of my real identity and soon I would leave the place I am today for some place else, actually starting another life, leaving everything behind. This might be my only relation to what I am, or rather, what I was and I don’t want to let it go.
WHY ?
I have no words and even if I do I don’t want to put anything more out. REALIZATION PART-II…………… Clutches do not need clutches to walk lol I might just die alone someday without anyone knowing :P
Luciasnordamned 
You have a way with words. Touched…
thanks a lot sir and i am really inspired by your writing the way you connect the things and keep a hold of reader like a nine year old. Wish someday to achieve that maturity.
Its the same with me. today a friend of mine said he didnt mind my ego coz apparently ” big egos are shields for lots of empty spaces”. lol he has no idea how right he is. i dont know whats causing this. and so am unable to fix it. i can literally feel the pain in my heart. its horrible. everyone is so busy with their lives, cant talk to anyone. nd also what lame person talks about their weakness to somebode else.too much pride. is it even normal for girls?? some people r jst born fucked up.
its been long for you. is this feeling over? are u even still alive??
i hope u are. and happy too.. i hope it gets over soon.
Maybe he read that on a metro station :)
I am alive, just that I have taken up a new job, and instead of writing i am spending time concentrating more on that less than on people who intimidate me.
Its not true what they say, we are what we are and now one thing i realized is, what we need is just ourselves to be happy, so keep smiling ma friend :))