Category: Truth


Impression on the wafer of time, with the light of practicality, and firmness of age.

Hiding beneath the shadow of the doubt under the scorching sun of reality  are my dreams…….

Waiting to be rescued someday sometime…..

Enhanced version of the word taught and embedded in my mind………

Is it true the only way to be a thoughtless mind is by accepting the world over you………

With numbness riding on my nerve a courageous step forward……..

Forces me to take two back in precaution………..

Resistance from within, resistance from outside a never-ending

debate on which words are futile.

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Everyone at any point of given time have an idol. An image to inspire and motivate him/her to be someone better, stronger, or rather to be something in life and that’s good for a fact. Though its strange how obnoxiously ignoring we can be when it comes to these people we admire and look up to. We might think that there is nothing or no one better than they are but is it true ? or are we just closing our eyes by our own choice towards the fact that there exist nothing like that(human nature lol).

Dreams

Dreams (Photo credit: hufse)

For a long time i knew a man who was, and is still my idol, but things started to change lately. I got a wonderful opportunity to be with him for certain time period. Up close to him was my dream but during that period I realized many a things and and many of my believes were shattered. Naive and immature for me he was the perfect man strong, intelligent, compassionate, a perfect picture of freedom and intelect. But things change when you observe things closely and when you have an addiction of putting people under a microscope things can turn out to be pretty repulsive.

The cracks in the personality and character might not be known to you. Nobody is good as perfect its just the way we imagine them the streak of insanity or the cliche is always there.

it’s true you actually want to know a person then you have to live with them. Cause the truth remains the same when you look and observe a person you are actually learning about the personality they “want” you to know and learn about. Yes, its like if you actually see how they keep the delicious chicken you just had at KFC you might not want to have it again.

For a person who calls himself introvert and independent from mortgage of emotion, claiming salvation inside the fort of self-indulgence, keeping his eye tight shut, I seem to be carrying too much baggage. On an instance talking to a f(r)iend I realized that I might to be to obtuse and helplessly been trying to differ from world, where i am nothing different from any other constructive piece of it.

Being assertive and still exploring the unresolved concepts of life, freedom, love, hope and all, I have cataloged life in many chapters and under the index biggest volume is of constantly changing definitions of human concept in different circumstances. But then talking to my f(r)iend Angie I realized for both of us that part of index is quite similar or rather i feel for most of us are. What changes is not the definition but our own personal interpretation of the circumstance and the word we choose to define things under different obligations at the moment.

 

 

 

I tried to formulate a different prospective to withdraw my mind and tried to define things on my own at that time defining love with her by different means but i was actually pretty distracted remembering the incident we both shared though circumstantially different………………….   

Time seem to have stopped for a minute and that minute seemed as eternity. The mind seems to have entered some un-constructed multidimensional dream space and the life so light like a thought with its own wings floating around like a leaf on a stream of time. And time seem to have stopped for him/her in his/her arms.

Time seem to have stopped for a minute it seemed that the minute will last for eternity. Though he/she walked away from the place but his/her soul was torn apart and a part of it was left there in that moment forever. Trapped under the solemn silence of his/her, screaming in his/her ears deafening bolted to ground forever.

Redefining the time, life, love, hate, freedom circumstantially.

Bleeding(maybe in love)

It is just too hard to define what i feel…….

Cold, dark and dead.

Lost in ecastasy in dark, cause here I dont have to see my face.

Not to face others, what is hard is to face myself.

Rotten, a corps in tattered, lying in the cold grave.

Sleeping. Sleeping with the craw;ers but ignoring them.

what is good, is how, they suck on me.

My blood.

What is good, is how, they feed on me.

My flesh.

 

Gone i want it and myself gone, toxic, perforated disgusted I am.

Is it me ? Is it me still inside ??

Entrapped am I, in inside what, I don’t know, what.

Bright and pure but dirtied. Dirtied by me and myself…………

 

Trundholm Sun Chariot

Trundholm Sun Chariot

As the night gives way to the golden chariot of the sun redundantly pulled by the restless and impatient beasts and the first smooth and silken ray of sunlight rushes to touch down earth doorsteps like a lost kid running back home I look upon the mesmerizing morning inspiring me with new thoughts and ideas. Inflaming my soul and heart to get going once again in search of something new and experiment with my own life to invent something new or discover some old secret lost in the tides of time change……………………..

It’s en-thrilling and I an enthusiastic filled with the energy am ready to interact and introduce myself to the world but what i also need to be is cautious at the same time. Cause what have I learnt in the run so far is that in any field of life the experience you gain is based upon how you experiment with the world around you and the experiment, must be carried out on your own expense, so keep in mind how you market(sell) yourself. Cause the one question you will always ask yourself at the end would be, was it worth it.

In this world everything is gonna cost you beside advice(even that is hard to come by today) is gonna cost you somehow or the other but it is you who gonna decide what do you wanna put at stake your heart, moral, freedom, thought, expression, ego what and how much is up to you. Experimentation may even be a damaging process leaving its own dents and bends on your soul and personality, it may even help you gain strength and polish you up like a old piece of mahogany, admired and inspiring to others but the process in its own is of personal and individual choice.

The world is open to all to experience and learn from like the night. Where some prefer to sit under the pleasant moonlight drenching their soul admiring the nature and filling their own cups of thirst with different passion under the cloak of night keeping their own little vices to themselves, while other prefer to tend to their body and mind relaxing and preparing for another day. The experiment is your own and how to carry it out is your own decision but one thing to be realized that the resource to carry it out(that is you) finite and expandable and like any other resource it has price tag and the determining factor is you how do you value yourself, is it too high, or too low.

A bonsai is in itself an art and an leading experiment and the person working on it, is in itself a leading scientist. Learning from constant experimentation and observation clipping and shaping the plant he tries to evaluate different concept and through-out the life term of the plant keeps on shaping it accordingly just like we do ourselves, our soul, personality, our identity through rigorous means of experimentation with this world and the people in it.

So its time for us to realize what we want to experiance from this vast catalog the universe have laid before us and to what extend are we ready to experiment with it and what cost does we determine of ourselves cause certainly nobody would want to sell themselves short.

So remember to gain experience any experiment carried out is on our own expense try to market yourself well.

Experiments with Long exposure and lights-015

Experiments with Long exposure and lights

Experiments with Long exposure  and lights-033

Experiments with Long exposure and lights

Today I stand naked

I never thought this day would come and I would write this post. Many of my friends look up at me and tell me how i am so strong and patient in my ways, thoughtful and many a times inspiring in the times when they are low and vulnerable. I am a kid who would always stand up and put a smile for you but today I have had enough. Damaged beyond the extend of repair, in this life of 23 years, what have i not seen. sometimes I feel like my mind will just burst and sometimes I want it to so that at-last this suffering may come to an end. Tears in my eyes have dried up and now even if I feel like crying………….a strange numbness takes over my body and my mind screams in silence, and it echos just keep haunting my soul, with a strange acute pain in my chest of my broken heart as I struggle to breathe in from the vacuum as the air disappear. But still I am standing there and I smile :)

I am accounted to be a friend and a shoulder by many but where is mine friend and shoulder. Surely i miss them.

I remember last time I broke down was in one of my friends arms sitting there against her bed we were having some nice time and a wee bit drunk I broke down because of some of her words. Almost two-year back that was when I cried last time. I guess I could tell her how special she is and what place does she hold in my life how precious she is but I a dumb ass can preach to love but actually I myself can’t. Its right what they say those who cant teach lol. 

You now what today I am may be sad, depressed and maybe this be the lowest point of my life but I feel like laughing at myself. Why ? Cause I am so full of crap that I prefer to sit alone and laugh at myself and my condition instead of talking to a friend, that’s the size of my ego. Its true “Big ego is a shield for loads of empty spaces” and what I am is hollow from within, a man with an empty soul, so shallow. Today for certain reason I had to go off grid that means delete all virtual footprints of my real identity and soon I would leave the place I am today for some place else, actually starting another life, leaving everything behind. This might be my only relation to what I am, or rather, what I was and I don’t want to let it go.

WHY ?

I have no words and even if I do I don’t want to put anything more out. REALIZATION PART-II…………… Clutches do not need clutches to walk lol I might just die alone someday without anyone knowing :P

Another morning

Another morning,

the sun rises again from the ashes of night,

once again i woke up dreaming about you.

wishing that you would be still there when i open my eyes to look upon,

as the first morning light desperately tries to get through to gently steal a kiss.

what i wish for is just another moment to linger on looking at you,

your anklet still lies on the floor, reminding me of you walking around on your toes.

quietly softly walking across as if on clouds carrying the nights secret,

as the wind like a lover plays around you whispering stories untold.

i wait patiently looking at you smiling filled with profound peace and satisfaction.

i remember waking you up every morning, moving those silken locks from your face,

kissing you and looking in your eyes, reminding me of the beautiful honeydew drops

on a rose petal waiting for the kiss of first morning sunlight.

The mornings will never be the same again…………… 

your promises

following a streak of dreams in night

i have managed to realize a thousand lies

but denying a simple truth i move on forward towards the same.

plastic origin of a thoughtless ming flickering and weak

all those promises you made me in the sweet spring

today lies under ice betrayed…………..

in my life winter walked in and it has been long but the winter stays.

lost among the morbid reality i have just one realization 

that anything true is just a second face of lie …………..

and i hope you may find what you were searching in these lines just right infront of your eyes

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