Tag Archive: Myself


For a person who calls himself introvert and independent from mortgage of emotion, claiming salvation inside the fort of self-indulgence, keeping his eye tight shut, I seem to be carrying too much baggage. On an instance talking to a f(r)iend I realized that I might to be to obtuse and helplessly been trying to differ from world, where i am nothing different from any other constructive piece of it.

Being assertive and still exploring the unresolved concepts of life, freedom, love, hope and all, I have cataloged life in many chapters and under the index biggest volume is of constantly changing definitions of human concept in different circumstances. But then talking to my f(r)iend Angie I realized for both of us that part of index is quite similar or rather i feel for most of us are. What changes is not the definition but our own personal interpretation of the circumstance and the word we choose to define things under different obligations at the moment.

 

 

 

I tried to formulate a different prospective to withdraw my mind and tried to define things on my own at that time defining love with her by different means but i was actually pretty distracted remembering the incident we both shared though circumstantially different………………….   

Time seem to have stopped for a minute and that minute seemed as eternity. The mind seems to have entered some un-constructed multidimensional dream space and the life so light like a thought with its own wings floating around like a leaf on a stream of time. And time seem to have stopped for him/her in his/her arms.

Time seem to have stopped for a minute it seemed that the minute will last for eternity. Though he/she walked away from the place but his/her soul was torn apart and a part of it was left there in that moment forever. Trapped under the solemn silence of his/her, screaming in his/her ears deafening bolted to ground forever.

Redefining the time, life, love, hate, freedom circumstantially.

Today I stand naked

I never thought this day would come and I would write this post. Many of my friends look up at me and tell me how i am so strong and patient in my ways, thoughtful and many a times inspiring in the times when they are low and vulnerable. I am a kid who would always stand up and put a smile for you but today I have had enough. Damaged beyond the extend of repair, in this life of 23 years, what have i not seen. sometimes I feel like my mind will just burst and sometimes I want it to so that at-last this suffering may come to an end. Tears in my eyes have dried up and now even if I feel like crying………….a strange numbness takes over my body and my mind screams in silence, and it echos just keep haunting my soul, with a strange acute pain in my chest of my broken heart as I struggle to breathe in from the vacuum as the air disappear. But still I am standing there and I smile :)

I am accounted to be a friend and a shoulder by many but where is mine friend and shoulder. Surely i miss them.

I remember last time I broke down was in one of my friends arms sitting there against her bed we were having some nice time and a wee bit drunk I broke down because of some of her words. Almost two-year back that was when I cried last time. I guess I could tell her how special she is and what place does she hold in my life how precious she is but I a dumb ass can preach to love but actually I myself can’t. Its right what they say those who cant teach lol. 

You now what today I am may be sad, depressed and maybe this be the lowest point of my life but I feel like laughing at myself. Why ? Cause I am so full of crap that I prefer to sit alone and laugh at myself and my condition instead of talking to a friend, that’s the size of my ego. Its true “Big ego is a shield for loads of empty spaces” and what I am is hollow from within, a man with an empty soul, so shallow. Today for certain reason I had to go off grid that means delete all virtual footprints of my real identity and soon I would leave the place I am today for some place else, actually starting another life, leaving everything behind. This might be my only relation to what I am, or rather, what I was and I don’t want to let it go.

WHY ?

I have no words and even if I do I don’t want to put anything more out. REALIZATION PART-II…………… Clutches do not need clutches to walk lol I might just die alone someday without anyone knowing :P

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